So What If…

As anyone who fancies themselves imaginative or even creative, we posers of creativity, or imitations of a tired process, often create within the context of someone else’s universe. I suppose that is why there is an entire website devoted to being the training wheel to creators (aka Fanfiction.net). But, on my way to work i reflected on the last conversation i had with someone over a cup of coffee. Now, i thought it would be trendy and somewhat “soho,” for those of you who know what i mean, but in all reality it was a conversation of finding a balance. I mean both she and i were speaking however, what was actually said was of little recourse because it didn’t really say anything. Well, there I went off track again. Okay, where was i? O yeah, so i was in my car reflecting about this not trendy coffee conversation. And both she and i agreed that “Twilight” was a fun book, and that girls, women, and pretty much everyone should not take it seriously. Here are some side effects of taking “Twilight” too seriously:

-Speaking dramatically when asking someone for a pencil in class (*so00 did happen to me, i just looked at her like “what is wrong with you?”)

-Doing your hair to look like Kristen Stewart, when your head is shaped like a mango and, the result makes your head look the moon. (* a really good friend of mine has done this-and i don’t know if i should say anything. should i?)

-Walking home from class and you wave to a friend, who quickly freaks out because there a van driving at moderate speed down the road.

-Knowing WAAYY too much about Robert Pattinson, and actually defending his acting. Not that his acting is bad, but if it was so good then you probably don’t need to defend it-he’ll do that.

So, because of these irritating side effects that i have observed in the young adult female population i began wondering what if? A simple hypothetical: what if? This post (and probably the next couple of posts) is dedicated to what if supernatural creatures were simply natural?

It was raining. I usually like rain, but today rain sucked. I had to fill out a graduation card by five and i don’t get off work until forty-five. And then i got stuck out in the rain because, my umbrella mysteriously had gone missing…So, my feet are soggy, my head hurts from trying to mental gymnastics in my chinese class. But, that’s okay. I’ll get into my car and drive to work-and everything is going to work out one way or another. I mean millions of people have faced harder things on a daily basis so, yeah. I got in the car and tugged the hood of my sweatshirt down and wriggled my head, hopeful to get my hair dry. I wish Texas weather was more predictable. But, it isn’t.

I began the usual drive to my work and felt kind of tired, three hours of sleep can do that to you. That and kinda make your cynical, when you don’t mean to be. I turned my mp3 player on and, of course, the completely wrong song comes on. “The Temptations” “My Girl” comes on and i glare out my windsheild. Then, i laugh. What the hey? I mean so today didn’t go the way i wanted it to, but i still have plenty of things going for me: 1) I love Jesus and He loves me 2) i ate today, how many people in the world can say that?….i kept listing the great things about my life out when WHAAMMMM! My car swerved to the left into what in a busy suburb would be on-coming traffic. I slammed the brakes-never a good idea, just fyi-and hit my head on the back of my seat then on the steering wheel. Ow! I yank the parking brake up and get out of the car, i must have hit a dog or something. As i near the front of my car i see a a dude on the ground. O God! I hit someone! I am in soo much trouble, my parents are going to yell from here to high heaven! High heaven, where did that phrase come from? Stop it, Erin, focus on guy on the ground. I poke at him, “Eh, Uh, Sir?” He moans and tries to move. No, O God, please don’t let him die! I get on my knees and turn him over, then i remember that i have my cell in the pocket of my hoodie. “Don’t worry, I am calling an ambulance!” Then, he grabs my hand forcefully, and a breif flash of something happens in thepit of my stomach. Crap, either it is what i had at Burrito King or fear. At this point, i am hoping for Burrito King. “No, don’t call an ambulance. I…I am alright.”

“Shhh” i say, this guy is totally delusional! “It’s alright. You are going to be okay, once they get here you’ll be fixed up in no time.”

“No.” He says sharply and juts up and i see his face, and one word: hot. Man, i would hit the hottest guy. ” Look, i just need your help.”

“To get up?” I ask, “Because, if i help you up i am taking you to the hospital.”

“Look, i am going to be fine. I just need you to be cool.”

“Cool? COOL? Look, psycho, i just hit you with a car and cool doesn’t really apply here.”

“I’m fine. really.” He is getting frustrated, i can tell. I frustrate a lot of people.

“Whatever. Look put your arm over my shoulder and i’ll help you into my car.” He looks at me doubtfully. Okay, yeah so i’m only like 5′1” but, i am stronger than i look. I roll my eyes and say, “Come on, you won’t crush me.”

He puts his arm around my shoulders and leans, okay so i was wrong. This hot dude is a fatty! I am going to die! God! AH! “You okay?” he asks me. I smile and pretend, there is no way i am going to admit that i am not strong enough. “Fine.”

I put him in the back seat of my really super-old beat-up Ford Aspire. Then i begin for the hospital, when like five guys pop out of nowhere. They look like the FBI. Great! I slow down and debate turning around, i don’t want to get in trouble with the law anymore than i have already.

“Don’t!” hot felon yells.

I ignore him. Felons are bad, and bad people lie. “Listen, you don’t want to stop for them.”

“Why not?” I ask as i pull up to them. But, before i can stop hot-felon-guy has put his foot over mine and is gunning the gas. “Crap! Are you crazy?!” he asks me! “No, are you? Are you running from the police? You can have my car, just let me go!” All the words spill out. Brave, yep that’s me. “Shut up! Put it into fourth!” He yells and i calm, okay, we can’t stop yet. I put it into fourth, and surrender, “Where do you want to go?”

“Where do you live?” he asks.

“Heck no! I’m not taking you there. I will take you wherever else you want to go. But, my place is off limits.”

“I have nowhere else to go and those guys are after me.” He says dejectedly. I feel guilty instantly. I am such a people pleaser, but that changes here and now. I will not endanger my roomie.

“Not my problem, perp.” Okay, so i am still not sure why i said that. Maybe too many Hunter reruns or something.

“What?”He asks and turns to me from the passenger seat, and there is light look of incredulity. I freeze, caught! Using bad ’80s cop slang no less. Crap.

“I don’t care what you did, but i am sure that they will go easy on you if you don’t take hostages. Think about it: your life is worth much more than a moment of heated desparation.” Wow, I am something! I am articulate and intelligent, i should be a hostage negotiator.

“Tell me again, why shouldn’t  i kill you?” He asks annoyed. Okay, so hostage negotiator is not in my future.

“Just try it, buster, and i’ll stop this car and let the feds catch up. And i’m not going down without a fight!” That’s right, if am going to die atleast i can be proud of myself.

Silence.

Not good. I must have really hurt him with my Ol’ Ford Aspire, and a flash of guilt streaks through me. Snap out of it! He’s a felon, don’t feel bad. The feds will probably put a metal on you for catching this notorious felon. I look over at the notorious felon and he is staring at me.

“You think i am a wanted criminal?” He asks me and shakes his head.

“Aren’t you? Those guys in the suits must be FBI and they are definately after you.”

“What’s your name?” I was not going to give hot-notorious-felon my name, just in case. Then, i remember something what my roommate from freshmen year’s Grandma told her say in a fight. Yeah, that would have been a lot easier if i had just said Daryle. Anyway, i responded, “What color you want your casket?”

“What?” he asks cocking his head at me. Note to self: Don’t follow someone else’s Grandma’s advice. “Did you just ask me what color i wanted my casket?” there was twitch, and that twitch resembled something of a smile. Great! I am entertaining a felon.

“What’s your name?” I countered. “And what crime did you commit?”

“What? I am not a criminal and those were not the FBI back there.”

“Look, i don’t even want to know. I will drop you off wherever and let you go your merry way. And i am sorry about the whole car thing.” I honestly meant it too.

“I don’t know where to go. You are my safest bet right now, they don’t know you.” What? No. No. I should have just kept going when i hit you, felon!

“No. I can take you to the police, i am sure they can help you. But, that is as far as i go, I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Not really.”

Another twitch.

Silence in the car, then a popping sound. I look over to see what hot-felon guy is doing and i see him pop his shoulder back in place. AHHH-MYY-GOD! That is gross, and i am responsible for it!

“I really think we should get to a hospital.”

“No, i told you they’d find me there.”

“Who?”

“I can’t tell you, because then you would be in danger too.”

“Well, it looks like you got me involved anyway now doesn’t it?” I exhaled. That was mean, besides what if he is telling the truth? “Look, if you want my help then i need some answers.”

“Okay, so those guys back there want my head. You see…we are…um…special.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Pull in over there.” He pointed to an exit for the park. I began to change lanes for the exit when i noticed another car changing lanes too. Okay, well we had been on a highway. But, when i pulled onto the exit instead of slowing down the car sped up!

“Uh, Felon, i think one of your buddies is behind us.” I said nervously.

“What?!” He said irritatedly then turned to see the car i was eyeing in my rearview mirrow. “Crap!”

“What should i do?! What should i do?!” I asked frantically. Again, Erin the brave comes out.

“Let’s try to loose ‘em. Quick turn at the light!” I squeezed my eyes shut and turned to the left and listened to my brakes whine. I peeked out of one eye and saw that we had made it. Whew! I looked into the rearview mirror and the dude was gone, man, i am good!…or on-coming traffic promised certain death on him. Whatever, I’ll take it.

“Okay, just keep heading for the park.” He said and with his good armed pointed ahead.

“Why? It’s raining.” I said.

“Because, it’s raining. No one will see us.” he said as if talking to a child.

“Everyone except drug dealers.” I mumbled. It was dusk on an already cloudy day, the park was sure to be full of drug dealers.

“I heard that. And you don’t need to worry about them.”

“O, so you’re a drug dealer!” It all made sense now. He probably came from Mexico and is part white and part Latino, that’s why he’s hot, and came over to make his millions by getting young children hopped up on cake. It was like a puzzle with all the peices finally falling into place. Well, i would drop him off at the park and then speed my way out of the park never to see him again. Yeah, that’s the plan.

“No! What is wrong with you?” He said shaking his head. Apparently, i said my last comment out loud. “I am not a drug dealer. I just don’t think they will be bothering us. that’s all.”

We rode the rest of the way in silence. My silence was silent fear of the drug dealer beside me, while his seemed to be an irritated silence.

~ by cupabeans on April 17, 2009.